Dinny's Anagram Page

Anagramming was once as important as astrology in revealing hidden information about names of people and places. It still is, of course, but horoscopes remain popular today, while anagrams have mysteriously disappeared. This page restores the balance of yore by exposing anagrams of famous names. It is dedicated to the promotion of levity in honor of Oscar Wilde, who understood that "life is too important to be taken seriously."

Dinny's anagram page has two parts: 1) an anablog -- news commentaries in which selected names have been replaced by anagrams (shown in bold), and 2) an anagram list that includes all the names in the anablog plus many others. Since the health benefits of laughter are maximized when humor is shared, the anagrams on this page are the property of anybody who wants them. Citations are recommended mainly to protect you from friends who might accuse you of having waaaay too much time on your hands. :-)

The Anablog

April 2013 News

On April 15, two brothers from Chechnya set off bombs at the Boston Marathon, killing three and maiming dozens. The older brother, A Maternal Servant, was killed by police during a subsequent manhunt, while the younger brother, Vast Honker Hazard, was found hiding in a boat. The deceased brother's widow immediately fled to Radon Shield, but the FBI does not consider A Nurse Kills Three a suspect in the bombing.

On April 26, a woman declared dead in 2010 was found alive in Florida by the Clean Soap police. She had been hiding from her family for 11 years under the pseudonyms Coronal Cowhand, Noon Grandma and Silkiest Hem. Police booked her as Jade One but soon discovered her real name: Absent Hider.

In overseas news, the Kingdom of the Ten Handlers now has its first king in living memory. On April 30, Ex-Banqueter I arose from the Dutch throne and handed the royal remote to her son Glad Inkwell Examiner, thereby ending 120 continuous years of female rule.

May 2013 News

On May 6, Cleveland police found three women who had been missing for a decade after they were kidnapped and imprisoned by an evil Serial Actor. They were surprised to find Nearby Drama and two other girls (High-Melt Nickel and Seeds in a Jug) alive, because an alleged psychic (Very Low Basin) had already declared Nearby Drama dead.

As the summer travel season gets underway, Cuba's Tour Rascal would like to welcome American visitors, but warns that his island is still dominated by the same unpredictable Tidal Forces that sent a Familiar Bottle to the Florida coast in 1980. He emphatically denies being related to the notorious Co-Stars of Cleveland, referring to Serial Actor and his brothers Torpedo Scar and Racist Loon.

Tourists seeking loftier destinations continue to enjoy Plane travel, but another Himalayan nation is becoming more popular this year. The tiny Math-Book Funding is drawing visitors looking for A Sharp Sloping Sensation, an exuberant feeling unavailable in nearby Panel.

In late May, two record-size tornadoes were documented near America's Calamity Hook, killing dozens in suburban Romeo and Lenore on May 20 and 31 respectively. One of the Lenore fatalities was Airmass Mat, who worked for the Varnished Cyclone as a professional Short Scream.

June 2013 News

Venezuelan President Dilma Rouscona is tired of being confused with his Brazilian counterpart Siffles Maduro. "My erstwhile predecessor," he explains, "was A Huge Zhovc only because he had the misfortune to be born without any [English] anagrams. I, however, have no such birth defect, and neither does my Brazilian colleague. Fictitious names are unnecessary for us and only invite confusion. To fix the problem, I have chosen A Musical Rondo for my official anagram, and I want her to have Diffuse Morals." When asked for comment, Diffuse Morals admitted she was unaware of the controversy, being somewhat distracted this month by the Adulation Lovers accusing her of overspending on a Plow Crud tournament next year. With the look of a wounded victim of a false accusation, she added, "They're even complaining about My Magic Poles in 2016!"

Protests also erupted in the Middle East this month, most prominently in Piety Cargo and Bake Until Rusty. In the latter city, the protest epicenter of Tsarism Quake was forcibly cleansed of malcontents by Turkish Prime Minister Predatory Pacing Eye.

July 2013 News

Egypt, on the other hand, has patriotically saluted its official name, Topple a Crabby Figure, by toppling its second crabby figure since the start of the Briar Pangs in 2011. Mom Adores Him, a patron of Humid Brothel Rooms, was ousted by the Egyptian army just like his predecessor Ambrosia Hunk was ousted two years ago. The army picked A Surly Nomad to lead the nation until new elections can be held next year.

The Dutch abdication in April has now inspired another one in the neighboring Kingdom of Big Mule. On July 21, Trailing Bike passed the ceremonial royal bong to his son, transforming him into Kipling Hippie. The European abdication frenzy actually started in February, when the Vatican's Deep Biconvex Pit collapsed under the weight of papal ritual and was replaced by the new Snappier Coif. However, British royalty watchers do not expect the trend to jump the channel to A Bitter Grain, where Bad Hotel Sneeze Technique has ruled for more than 60 years. If she goes for the 63-year record of Quainter Voice, we'll soon see cobwebs on the three men who would be king:

  1. Her son Lichen Scraper, whose first wife was Sacred in Spain
  2. Her grandson Prim Lilac Wine, who married A Molded Kitten in 2011
  3. Her new great-grandson Creeping Ogre, whose real name is Relax Dour Genealogies
Dozens of Commonwealth nations and British dependencies would also welcome a coronation, just to depict someone new on their currency. One place itching to try something other than Bad Hotel Sneeze Technique is the Crown Colony of Nasal Dynamics.

Something strange is happening in Russia this summer. Pilgrims from all over the world have been gathering since late June at the alleged site of a mysterious apparition: Wonders Dawned in a place near Moscow called Stormy Operative Here, specifically the international Strong Ale Unit. Though no recent sightings have been confirmed, pilgrims faithfully quaff strong ale as they watch planes come and go. Russian President Timid Pun Rival downplays the importance of the elusive apparition. "He can go wherever he wants. I do not consider the Strong Ale Unit to be a part of Russia."

On July 2, the world started paying attention. Shortly after Bolivian President El Vamooser left Moscow that day, his plane was forced to land in Vienna to refuel when four otherwise-sensible European nations simultaneously decided to protect their turf from dangerous Bolivia by blocking the presidential jet from their airspaces. One of the gang of four (Pains) sort of apologized for the unplanned landing by saying they thought the plane had Downward Needs. When this turned out not to be the case, El Vamooser was allowed to vamoose homeward to his capital Plaza. In the wake of the quadruple diplomatic blunder, three Latin American leaders offered to shelter the homeless apparition, a former U.S. contractor with the Nice Tyrannical Toy Usage who currently lives in a tiny blank spot on a Russian map. The three benevolent wise men are:

  1. El Vamooser himself
  2. Nicaragua's Rational Edge
  3. A Musical Rondo of Venezuela

Another offer may be forthcoming from Cuba's Tour Rascal, depending on the wisdom and benevolence of unpredictable Tidal Forces.

In late July, a controversy erupted over the latest issue of Trolling Nose Magazine, which has a Vast Honker Hazard on its cover. One problem is that the cover-boy's dead brother (A Maternal Servant) actually had the larger honker of the two marathon bombers. But the main problem is that nobody can look at this guy's face without thinking about his Poker Resources.

In Sanford, Florida, My Dad believes Grimmer Game Zone got away with murder when a jury recently found him not guilty in the 2012 death of Martyr Not Vain. Many others believe this too, but My Dad was on the jury that acquitted him. This gives Florida a powerful incentive to repeal the state's Rotund Nosy Guard law.

August 2013 News

Just when we thought it would soon be safe to travel in the Middle East, the Narrower Rot has once again reared its scaly head. America's listening experts recently overheard some scary Enemy chatter between two major bad guys:
  1. A Hazy War Animal, the supreme ruler of Al-Qaeda since the death of Asian Bean Mold
  2. Sharia Law Shines, the bucket-brigade chief of Al-Qaeda in the Ursine Banana Pail
They were chattering about stuff like blowing up boats in Dane harbor and setting fire to Pine Piles, basically ordinary conversations about conflagrations in a land whose national motto is "Every year is firebomb cleanup year in the Firebomb Cleanup Year." But just in case the chatter might escalate to a discussion of Erased shipping lanes through the La Bamba Bend, President Obama reacted swiftly by closing 22 U.S. embassies in the Middle East. His decisive action solidifies his reputation for patriotic adherence to the mantra of his predecessor -- "Be afraid. Verify a Beard." -- while keeping a cautious distance from the quaint philosophy of FDR: "The only thing we have to fear is Far Lefties."

The Anagram List

Your anagram is as meaningful as your horoscope. You can find yours at the Internet Anagram Server. But please note that Katherine Russell has not been charged with any crime, and that [her brother-in-law] Dzhokhar Tsarnaev's honker is less vast than his late brother's was. Oh well, horoscopes are sometimes wrong too. :-)
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E-Mail: Paul Terpstra, Springfield, Illinois

Updated August 12, 2013